on femininity

Some tumblr on anon asked me:

What is femininity to you? How do [you] advise people get in touch with that?

Those who have strong Venus and Moon influences already have a leg up on the rest of us. But to those who don’t have those influences, here it is. This is the stuff that mothers should have taught their daughters, but I understand that not every female had a southern mother like I did; I’m one of the lucky ones in the sense that despite our many differences, my mother was strong and savvy enough to teach me to how to be good at who I am. Although I’m no one’s mother or mentor, I’ll nevertheless be kind enough to be magnanimous. With that being said, to me, femininity is…

  • having intelligence and wit
  • maintaining and cultivating a sense of mystery
  • discretion and a sense of decorum
  • staying above pettiness, cattiness and gossip
  • being proud of my sexuality
  • having a signature scent
  • being secure in myself
  • never accepting defeat; aka being on some scarlett o’hara-type shit
  • being graceful and classy
  • having a life outside of the internet and social media
  • engaging in conversation with people face to face, with good eye contact, and leaving the cell in my purse
  • having a sense of humour
  • wearing a red lip and having red nails
  • being acutely aware of my senses and living in the moment
  • tastefully flaunting the physical assets I have
  • having tasteful and timeless jewelry and clothing with a few statement pieces
  • wearing more dresses and skirts 
  • having a low, mellifluous voice
  • knowing when to speak and when to be silent
  • appreciating and perfecting your body as it is, not as you wish it were
  • taking care of myself through manicures, pedicures, facials, exercise, etc.
  • being craftily manipulative, not pettily manipulative
  • appropriate and subtle social flirtatiousness laced with a bit of sass
  • having pretty hair and looking my best at all times
  • pretty underwear and lingerie
  • wearing nightgowns or nothing to bed instead of shapeless pyjamas
  • wearing athleisure NOT sweatpants. after all, you know what karl lagerfeld said about sweatpants
  • owning at least two pairs of high heels, especially stilettos or “fuck me heels”
  • good posture, grooming, hygiene and manners
  • always knowing when to leave
  • standing on my own two feet and not relying on or basing my existence on the words or actions of other women
  • taking pride in myself
  • standing up for myself at all costs…
  • and never relinquishing my power.

To get to this level, it takes self-esteem. Knowing who you are and being assured of your identity and worth is 80% of the battle. Some, like myself, seem to practically come out of the womb with this self-security; a lot more have to work at it, and it takes time. Either way, these qualities are what make me, my mother, and the women I acknowledge supremely feminine.

Leave a Reply